


A flower is my only weakness

by Nika_dww



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Colors, F/M, Flowers, Fluff and Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Oblivious, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Relationship, POV Third Person, Ryan-centric, Sad Ryan Ross
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:20:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23949052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nika_dww/pseuds/Nika_dww
Summary: Blue, Pink and Yellow. They covered his eyes, his heart, they stole what was meant to be his. They stole Him, and with him, they stole his happiness too.
Relationships: Ryan Ross/Brendon Urie, Sarah Orzechowski/Brendon Urie
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	1. Blue

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language, sorry for future mistakes! 
> 
> Thank you for reading!

He was standing in the rain. His clothes were wet, his equally wet hair covering his eyes. He was beautiful, everyone could tell. And he was waiting for someone. Ryan took a sip from his coffee, he was wondering, why he isn't coming in. He was only two steps away from the door. He was still hoping. The boy suddenly turned around and Ryan quickly glanced away. He was staring. A few seconds later the bell rung, above the door. Ryan didn't dare to look up, until he heard a voice next to him. 

"Can I sit here?"

His voice was angelic. Ryan slowly raised his gaze. He was more beautiful than when he first saw him, through the window. His eyes were chocolate brown, Ryan could tell, they held raw emotions and deep, very deep secrets. They matched with his hair. It was kind of messy, water still dripping from the hairbreadths. The boy smiled a bit, then asked him again. 

"Can I sit here?"

Ryan realized, he was staring again. His cheeks were rosy red. He quickly nodded, dropping his gaze down. The boy took a seat next to him, quietly ordering an espresso. After some time, he was the one breaking the silence.

"I'm Brendon" 

Ryan shot up his head, a little shocked. The boy, Brendon was talking to him. He didn't know whether to say his name or just keep staring at those beautiful eyes. They captured him, like a cage. But he liked it. 

"I'm...Ryan" 

Brendon was smiling again. Like sunshine, thought Ryan. It made him smile too. 

"Nice to meet you, Ryan" 

His name felt like honey, dripping from Brendon's tongue. It was a long time, since someone called him by his actual name. He couldn't remember, it felt that good. 

"You were waiting for someone" 

It was an accident. Before he could think, he already blurt it out. He didn't dare to look up. And Brendon didn't say anything. He messed it up. Again. Tears were slowly falling on the table. Why can't he just keep his mouth shut? Brendon must think he's a lunatic.  
And then he heard it. Brendon was laughing. But it was a painful laugh. There was no happiness, just the raw sound trying to cover the pain. 

"Was it really that obvious?" 

Ryan just hung his head, muttering something under his breath, that no one could hear. Brendon sighed. It was painful too. 

"We had a fight. I was supposed to meet her here. I wanted to apologize but it looks like she doesn't wanna hear it." 

Ryan slowly raised his head. Brendon was crying. Ryan turned around, just for a second, and when Brendon looked at him again, Ryan held a rose in his hands. It was blue. 

"Blue represents sadness. But blue can represent what comes after sadness too." 

He took the rose. It was beautiful. And Brendon was smiling. It was worth it, Ryan was telling himself. He cracked a smile too, but it was a painful one. Brendon slowly got up from his chair, looking at Ryan, like he was the most interesting thing in the world. He was still holding the rose. 

"Thank you, Ryan" 

Ryan was still smiling, but he didn't say anything. Brendon was leaving. The bell rung, above the door. But when Brendon looked back, the table was empty. Only a blue rose was lying on the wood. And that was when Brendon realized, it wasn't raining anymore. The sky was blue. And Brendon cracked a smile. Blue wasn't so sad, after all.


	2. Pink

Ryan was walking down the sidewalk, humming a song to himself. He wasn't really paying attention, when suddenly, he found himself on the ground. He looked up, but he couldn't believe what he was seeing. It was the same chocolate brown eyes, the same messy hair, but today his clothes wasn't dripping from the rain. And he was smiling. Brendon was happy. 

"Oh sorry, I didn't mean to bump into you! Let me help!" 

Ryan didn't see Brendon offering a hand. Those eyes weren't filled with pain now. So Ryan was smiling. 

"Are you okay? Were you hurt?" 

Ryan quickly falling out of trance, just shook his head, but the smile never left his lips. 

"No, no don't worry I'm fine"

He accepted Brendon's hand. He was slightly taller than him. 

"Ryan?"

Ryan was shocked. He remembered him. 

"Are you sure you weren't hurt?"

Brendon's hand felt warm on his cheek. He felt rosy. Ryan was glancing down. He knew he shouldn't speak, but why was it so hard to keep silent around Brendon? He was used to being mute and still, he felt like he needed to tell him everything. His heart was aching. He couldn't bare it. Tears were running down on his cheeks, into Brendon's open hand. Ryan wasn't smiling anymore. 

"Hey, hey it's alright. I'm here." 

Ryan was clinging to Brendon, like his life depended on it. Brendon was hugging him back. His chest was warm too. And Ryan's heart ached a little less.  
His tears were slowly drying on Brendon's shirt, but he didn't seem to mind. 

"Thank you..."

His voice was barely a whisper, but Brendon started to smile. Just like their first meet. His smile seemed happy, seemed genuine.  
Ryan didn't notice it at first. But when he did, he felt his heart break. It was love. Pure love, mixed with the color of lust. 

"She came back."

Just one single sentence, but it was enough. It was all so very pink. Brendon suddenly turned around. Someone was calling his name. She was beautiful. Her eyes held kindness, loyalty, and just like Brendon, she was so very in love. They were perfect together, everyone could tell. 

"Pink symbolizes love. But it also reminds you, how love could end so suddenly too."

Brendon didn't seem to perceive what Ryan was talking about. His eyes were filled with love and it covered his sight, blocked his hearing, but still kept that stupid smile on his lips. He felt sick. But it was worth it. Brendon was smiling. Brendon was happy. 

"Thank you, Ryan!" 

Brendon didn't notice that Ryan wasn't there anymore. He was standing on the sidewalk, with the rose in his hands, and that stupid smile on his face.  
Ryan was watching from the distance, trying to smile, but he was incapable to do so. It was all pink. A little too pink.


	3. Yellow

It was a beautiful summer afternoon. The trees were shining in green, flowers were blooming, and he was sitting in a park, watching all of this happening. Ryan stopped tracking time a while ago. He had no idea what the exact date was, but he liked it that way. It was calming.  
Ryan looked up at the sky, just to catch the big, bright sun smiling down at him. It was a unique smile, Ryan decided. And that's when he heard the wedding bells.  
He quickly looked behind him, but the sight in front of him made his heart sink. Black and white, people smiling, pink covering them, hiding them from Ryan's blue. Brendon was beautiful. And she was beautiful too. Everything was perfect. They were whispering, stealing kisses and laughing as nothing would matter, except them.  
Ryan didn't realize his legs were moving closer to the two, until he almost stumbled upon someone's feet. The priest was smiling too, as they said their vows. They both had tears in their eyes, but this time there was no blue in them. Then the priest started talking again.

"Do you, Brendon Urie, take Sarah Orzechowski as your lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish until death do you part?"

"I do"

And Ryan's heart broke. He couldn't bring himself to stay any longer, especially, to hear the girl, Sarah, saying "I do" to the man he loved the most. Tears flowing down, as he was running, god knows where, just to escape from the burning ache in his heart. His lungs were giving up, he couldn't breath anymore, but he couldn't stop running, not now, not now when everything is already so messed up. His vision started to blurry, his eyes were watering, less from the crying, more from the lack of oxygen. He was seeing blue, then pink, then something else. It was yellow. It reminded him of Brendon, happiness, but it was filled with rejection, fakeness, with hope and with heartbreak. But it didn't matter, because it was him. It was Brendon. And Brendon was worth everything.  
Ryan suddenly stopped. The cold breez hitting his face, but he didn't care. He couldn't think straight anymore. His world was spinning, his lungs, his legs, his brain were giving up. And with a smile on his chapped, blue lips, he collapsed on the ground. 

Brendon was standing on the balcony, looking down at the city. He just got married. He still couldn't completely process it. And suddenly, he felt an ache in his heart. It only lasted a second, but it was heavy, it was deep and it reminded him of something. Or rather, someone. He looked down at the city again. It was nighttime, it was Vegas, everything was blue, pink and yellow. Suddenly he felt two arms sliding around his waist. 

"What are you thinking about?" 

Brendon turned around with a smile on his lips. Sarah was beautiful. She was everything he could ever ask for. She was wearing a blue nightgown, her brown hair tucked behind her ears. Brendon felt his heart ache again. 

"I was thinking about how beautiful you are" 

And Sarah was laughing. Her laugh was beautiful too. He felt like the luckiest man alive. 

"Come inside, it's getting cold out here. I don't want you to get sick on our first night!"

She giggled, as she started walking back into the room. 

"Hey, are you coming?"

Brendon looked down at the city again. His mind was racing, trying to find something, a place, a scent, a color, a name, a name, a name, a name, a name- 

"Yeah, yeah I am!"

The city was yellow, he decided. And his heart sink again. He forced a smile on his lips, as he shut the door behind him, walking into the room looking for his wife. 

He didn't see the rose lying on the balcony floor in its cold, sad, beautiful yellowness. 

They were destined to fall, after all.


	4. White

The park was silent. It never happened before. Cold breeze flew through the trees, as the people walked past, slowly and unknown, the darkness covering them, protecting their eyes from the unwanted tragedy. They didn't know what happened there, nobody knew. 

He lied to her. He needed to. The pain was unbearable. He didn't know where he was going, until he reached to gate of a little park, hidden from the eyes, silent, mourning. He looked around, unable the recognise the place. It can't be it. It can't. It just didn't fit. He shook his head, then pushed the gate open. He felt a strange connection to this unknown little park, like something was in there, something that could reattach the strings, something that could make his heart whole again. He looked up, the moon was shining bright, silently judging, but pointing at a tree in the middle of the lake, then he turned around, the clouds covering him again. Brendon looked at the tree, and his heart sank deeper than ever before. He needed to get there. Now or never. 

Blue, pink and yellow. 

He was there. More likely, his presence was there. There was no cross, no grave, no messages about his life, his deeds or his family. But the flowers, they were there. They were always there. Brendon looked at the ground. He didn't deserve this. He deserved so much more. The kindness in his eyes was too much for this cruel, dark world. They didn't understand him. They didn't deserve him.  
Brendon picked up the roses. He needed them. He needed him. He needed Ryan. 

Ryan

The name echoed in his mind. The memories suddenly invading him, almost sending him to the ground. The coffeeshop, the sidewalk, the wedding, the blue, the pink and the yellow, the pain, the love and the loss, Brendon, Sarah and Ryan. He saw them, he saw all of it. 

He looked down again. Maybe he's still there. 

Anger suddenly taking over, he dropped the roses and started to dig, with his bare hands, dirt under his nails, on his hair, his clothes, but he felt it, he felt him, the pain behind his big brown eyes. 

And as suddenly as it came, the anger went away, leaving only sadness, and confusion behind. Why? Why him? He looked down, his hands were bleeding. Ryan wouldn't want this. Ryan wanted him happy. Ryan loved him.

Ryan loved him. 

He slowly stood up, gathering up the roses he dropped just a minute ago. The roses. He couldn't leave them here. He looked up, seeking for approval, for some sign, that Ryan is here, that Ryan's with him, that he was allowed to hold the roses. 

But as the cold breeze hit his face, he realized, Ryan was never there, on the little island in the middle of the lake. 

Brendon turned around, facing the cold, dark water, still holding the roses, but hesitating. Is this what Ryan wants? 

He didn't want to let him go, the boy, who turned his life upside down, made his dreams come true, then shattered his heart without even knowing about it. 

He took a deep breath, and looked up at the moon again. It is time for letting go. 

Blue

Tears were running down his cheeks.

Pink

His heart missed a beat, he couldn't look.

Yellow

His hands were shaking. Ryan never gave him the yellow rose. He never had the chance. 

He sank down next to the tree, hands empty, heart's racing, tears choking him, suffocating sweetly, as he looked down, to see something he couldn't believe.

Ryan

Blue

Pink

Yellow

White

It was white.

Brendon slowly stood up, looking at the pure whiteness, admiring the presence of the boy, admiring Ryan, admiring his love. 

He found himself at the gate. This is the end. He knew, he'll never see this place again. He looked at the tree, on the little island, in the middle of the lake, just to find out, it was gone. Or maybe it was never there. He didn't know, but it didn't matter.

And as he was walking down the street, he noticed something in the middle of the road. A white rose was laying on the ground, unnoticed by everyone else, but him. Brendon shook his head, smiling, then took the rose in his hands. And when Sarah opened the door, pressing a kiss on his lips, he just took the rose and with a smile on his face, he whispered:

"I brought this for you"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for anyone who read this story! I really enjoyed writing this, and I hope you enjoyed it as well! Have a nice day, and stay safe! XO


End file.
